Some Snarky Humor – Things I’ve Learned or Confirmed During Quarantine

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Here is my observations up to this point – for your entertainment as we all sit at home.  Remember, I am a snarky bastard who sometimes writes stuff just to set people off – a troll of the highest caliber.  I do want to provide folks with a few minutes of provocative thought and maybe a chuckle or two.

  1. We, as a people, are easily manipulated by social media into panic buying (toilet paper).  Don’t try and justify the reality that you panicked.  Be prepared, the marketing people have learned a very dangerous lesson from this.
  2. I have come to better appreciate my wife’s company and her cooking skills.
  3. We have zero survival skills and purchase things that are of little to no use during a real emergency situation.  Good luck surviving on pickles peanuts, and jalapeno peppers.
  4. Ninety-percent of people, when given common sense reasonable guidelines, will follow them out of concern for themselves or others. They are good human beings. Ten percent are validating Charles Darwin and couldn’t dump piss from a boot if the instructions were on the bottom of the heel.  Punishing the 90% because of the idiocy of 10% is irrational.
  5. When deprived of services, people worry about the vanity-based ones the most – such as “When can I get back to my salon to touch up my roots?”  A lot of people are wandering around without their injections of Botox.  As a result of all of this mayhem, in another few weeks there are going to be a lot less blondes in the world.
  6. Many politicians have validated their incompetence – sadly meeting my expectations. Example:  Our governor came on TV to tells us we need to exhibit social distancing, surrounded by seven individuals less than two feet apart, none of whom are wearing masks.  One word: Moron.
  7. When you shut off the world economy and everyone goes home, the effects are strange and sometimes entertaining.  Like my PC, apparently it was time to reboot the planet Earth. While we have never done this before, I have found that it usually works pretty damn good with my PC so I encourage people to chill out.
  8. I have been dazzled by brilliant acts of individual kindness, courtesy, and grace. People can be wonderful.
  9. When faced with fear, people will surrender their Constitutional rights; demand that others do the same; and will report any infraction no matter how ridiculous. Yeah, that whole Hitler thing, that could totally happen here.
  10. Congress, when faced with a crisis, cannot resist spending money on things that have nothing to do with the actual emergency.  Giving themselves a raise, funding the Kennedy Center and PBS?  Really?  One word:  Douchebaggery.
  11. Thanks to Netflix, we all learned that Carol Baskins killed her husband and fed him to the tigers.  Oh, she totally did.IMG_1089
  12. We realize that police, fire, and medial workers are the most valuable members of our society – but in the end, we still won’t pay them what they are worth or for the hard work they have done.
  13. Shutting down professional sports has had negligible impact on our culture.
  14. Individuals believe their fear trumps the rights of others. I find it amusing that other people feel they should have a say about my rights are based on how they feel.  I receive similar lectures about what I say and political correctness – and those never work either.
  15. That Nancy Pelosi shelters in place in a mansion with gourmet food (and I presume a few cases of vodka.)
  16. The internet is as important in an emergency as electrical power.  Kudos to the folks that kept it up so far.
  17. Celebrities show their ‘suffering’ by not wearing makeup or doing their hair, wearing sweatpants, and going on talk shows from their mansions. Let’s be clear, none of us care about Hollywood’s hardships.
  18. Companies love to run advertising camouflaged as public service announcements.  “Look at how we are stepping up to plate to deal with this crisis.”  Yeah, you guys are real humanitarians…  We get it, you are keeping your marketing department from being furloughed.
  19. When an emergency like this emerges the media’s first action is to put the truth up against a wall and shoot it. They would put a monkey throwing feces on the air as an “expert” if it will sow fear and give them ratings.  Spreading disinformation and terror is now an agenda item.
  20. We moved way too much production of goods overseas. Time to bring that shit back home even if it costs more.
  21. Our government has a list of who is essential and tracks our movements on our phones to ensure compliance to their orders.  That should scare the crap out of everyone.
  22. We learned that we can get by just fine not buying stuff for a few weeks.  This isn’t necessarily a good lesson but good to know.
  23. Some people (not me!) have spent far too much time with their spouses and children and it shows in their social media posts.  Who knew you could be so angry?
  24. Regardless of how much money people get from the government, it isn’t enough.
  25. We turn to the wrong people for solutions in panic…like Bill Gates.
  26. Our economy is based entirely on our confidence and nothing else.
  27. Oil can go to a value of negative dollars per barrel.  I guess that means they are paying us to take the oil?
  28. I am amazed and delighted at how quickly and innovatively businesses can change their operations to cope with an emergency.
  29. There are people out there, including politicians, that take delight in this chaos.  They want big companies to fail and are gleeful that oil prices have tanked.  They are pathetic, sad, twisted people.  PS – her initials are AOC.
  30. There is no excuse for anyone not having a great yard this year…you had plenty of time on your hands.
  31. When a crisis happens and our leaders should come together behind their President, they, in turn, call any action he takes ‘racist.’ I guess when you only have one bullet in your gun…
  32. Everyone learned how to sew/make masks pretty darned fast.
  33. There were no emergency plans in place when schools were shut down.  What makes a good teacher in a classroom is not the same as what makes a good virtual teacher.
  34. People stupidly believed that posting their graduation photos somehow made 2020 graduates feel better.
  35. Liberals sincerely believe that shutting down churches and keeping abortion clinics and liquor stores open are justifiable actions.
  36. Millions of people learned how to order from restaurants on-line for delivery.  This will change things for years to come.
  37. The longer this goes on, the more susceptible people become to wild-ass conspiracy theories.  “Hillary Clinton killed Colonel Mustard, in the Library, with the Coronavirus.”
  38. When their constitutional right to free assembly is stripped from them, people will protest and resist.  Our founding fathers would approve, since they dealt with numerous medical pandemics and did not see fit to put a freeze on rights.  You think this is bad, try Scarlet Fever or Cholera. Suck it up, buttercup.  I applaud sensible protests.      IMG_0541
  39. In times of crisis, people idiotically think that the Federal Government should be a supplier of medical supplies and other things.  Seriously people…your local governments are far more impactful than a Federal response.
  40. Board games are still a hell of a lot of fun when there are no distractions.
  41. We learned that we are footing most of the bill for the World Health Organization and getting damned little for it.
  42. Companies are learning that people can work just fine from home and that remarkably little is gained by sitting in an office together.  Further, the solution to road congestion and pollution seems to be people working from home…duh.
  43. We are more of a welfare state than I never fully comprehended. I think we need to fix this.
  44. Every government giveaway of our money is going to have unintended consequences that none of us can fathom.
  45. The blurring of guidelines and restrictions is important to know.
  46. Some politicians seem to care more for non-citizens and incarcerated criminals than hard-working Americans.  This is a decision on thier part.
  47. Americans had to be taught how to wash their hands.  Geez, I learned that way before going to elementary school.
  48. Our grocery stores and restaurants have never been cleaner…and that is a good thing.

I know some of you will feel the urge to rebuttal me.  Let me assure you, I gain strength through your angst.  Like Rick Sanchez said, “Your boos mean nothing to me…I have seen what makes you cheer!”

 

4 thoughts on “Some Snarky Humor – Things I’ve Learned or Confirmed During Quarantine

  1. jsonaash

    You know, I honestly think that the people involved in #38, if their local / state governments hadn’t decided the best way to treat people during this was like children, and instead went with #4 and treated them like adults, would’ve cheerfully kept their distance from others, stayed home and worked if possible, and (obviously) not been out protesting.

    But when the restrictions getting thrown around make people think they’re being treated like children, well…
    They get fed up enough to go out and protest, and these are the sort of people that don’t often protest.

      1. Brandon Woodhouse

        Yup, it’s amazing how many people I know that refuse to ask questions and blindly accept what they are being told, although the majority of the news is disinformation, fear-mongering, and full of inaccuracies. It’s also amazing how many people rolled over and deferred to leaders that are definitely not letting a good crisis go to waste. It’s like living in the Jihad sourcebooks at times.

  2. Alexander Lindgren

    Some disagreement on certain points but definitely no rebuttal. It’s enormously refreshing to get another perspective on this all without a haze of hysteria overlying it. Thank you for writing and sharing this.

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